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Massage – Just a Pamper or a Health Investment?

So, you're on that beach in Bali or you're on a bonding weekend in a Brighton spa. And there are lots of massages to be had. Obviously, you have one. It's great at the time – though the sand got in the way a bit and she did pull a bit too hard and didn't speak any English, there wasn't any feedback and you didn't feel any different the next day.  This, I would suggest, is the Pamper Massage.  It's for those types of situations – it's an indulgence and a treat, but, there's  been no lasting effects.  It's  like having a really enjoyable dinner in great surroundings, but still feeling hungry the next morning.

 

The Health Investment Massage, on other hand, is a totally different experience. It may not be viewed as that at the time: it's often booked in desperation – to relieve acute pain, to soothe arthritic aches, to relax tight shoulders and ease restricted neck movements.  After the treatment, it's evident that a real shift has  taken place. The discussion may move on to how to prevent those symptoms from happening again, and how to maintain the progress which has been achieved with follow up advice, exercises or further treatments. Or, it may be that the focus will shift to other health issues which have become apparent during the consultation or treatment and those can  be addressed subsequently.

 

In summary, the Health Investment Massage  helps you to know your body better, what its messages might be, how you can better manage your conditions and reduce the causes of your symptoms.  It may be that you are advised to seek the expertise of another health professional e.g. your GP, an Osteopath, Physiotherapist, Nutritionist or Podiatrist. 

 

Let's just look at that word investment more closely. One dictionary definition is 'An act of  devoting time, effort, or energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result'. It is often about money, and it's sometimes about time which is invested.  When you book a massage treatment, you are investing both, and hoping – if not expecting – 'a worthwhile result'.  You want some return on your time and money!  While it may initially seem like an extravagance, why is it that so many clients do prioritise it and it becomes part of their own maintenance programme and life- work balance regime?  They must think it worth it. Don't we spend far more in a hairdressers. without questioning those high bills? Yes, hair does grow and appearances are important.  But a massage every 2 or 3 months keep you in touch with all that's going on under the surface and allows you to reflect on any changes.  These can then be addressed and equilibrium regained. And there are a range of massage therapists with specialist skills for specific conditions: for example, arthritis, asthma, fibromyalgia,  infertility, IBS,  pregnancy, scar tissue.

 

'I didn't know I had so many aches and pains. They are so much better now'

'I've got a much better range of neck movements now you've worked again on my neck scars' 

'You keep me going from month to month' are some of the comments I've received.  It seems to me that these gains and benefits are worth every 

penny spent."

 

What could be more worthwhile than feeling better, no pain or less pain, reduced symptoms, more energy? (You can arguably then become more productive and earn more money!) 

 

But there are  people who will simply not consider paying for a treatment.  They have an NHS mentality: first it's the GP, then it's pills, then it's a physiotherapist if they're prepared to wait for weeks. There, during the course of about 4 sessions of 20 minutes each, exercises will be demonstrated rather than applied directly. In desperation, they may well come to me at that point.  They've already suffered for weeks. Yet their cars are new, and the whole family are in profitable employment.  Health spending has not been prioritised.  Health investment has not been made.

 

I hope that I've persuaded you that massage can be so much more than a pamper: that it can offer you a host of benefits: not just physical but also  provide an understanding, an awareness and information, and an opportunity to self monitor. It allows you to the space to listen to your body, as it's the body which really does know what's in your best interest. And when all this happens, massage has surely become a health investment.

 

This article was written by Moira Johnson of Hounslow Massage Therapy  www.naturaltherapyforall.com/moirajohnson

10 Tips to Manage Stress

Stress

 

Stress is an unavoidable part of everyday life and can come with many guises:  tight deadlines, finances, difficult relationships, job insecurity, a noisy work environment, being expected to do something you haven’t been trained to deal with and, the biggest stressor, just having way too much to do.

Untreated, it can play havoc with your health, with your relationships and your career.  This article will give you 10 tips to manage stress more successfully so you can enjoy a greater sense of calm and resourcefulness in your life.
 

  1. Recognise that some stress is actually good for you.  If you didn’t have any stress at all, you would be pretty bored.  Some stress is motivating and energising – the trick is to have it in proportion so it doesn’t have a negative impact on you.
  2. Acknowledge that stress is a valid emotion with a purpose for you:  it is calling for your attention to whatever is causing the feeling of tension or overwhelm so that you can deal with it. If you listen to what your stress is telling you and take appropriate action, you will notice yourself feeling much less stressed.  It is a survival mechanism, intended as a fight or flight response if you are in danger.  In more everyday terms, if you ignore it, the stress will increase until you take remedial action.  If you address it, you can become more stress-resilient.
  3. Identify your top stressors and give them a score out of 10 as to how much stress they are causing you.
  4. From this list, evaluate the stressors according to the following criteria:

     

     

     

     

    • Is it something which you can control in any way?  For example, the weather is something you can’t control.
    • Is it something you can influence?  While you can’t control the weather, you can control what you wear for it, whether you go out in it and the temperature in a room.
    • Is it something you just have to accept?  If you are outside and there is a sudden downpour with no shelter in sight, and you are dressed for the summer sun you were promised in the news bulletin before you left, then it is just something you have to accept.
  5. Once you have determined whether something is within your control or not you have two options:

     

     

     

     

    • Do whatever you can to control or influence the situation.  Saying ‘no’ to someone who is overloading you, for example.
    • If it is something you just have to accept, knowing this, rather than resisting it, can really relieve a lot of stress for you.  You can then focus on things you can do something about.
  6. If the list is overwhelming and you don’t know where to start, sometimes breaking a big stressor down into smaller chunks can really help, or dealing with a small stressor first to give you a sense of moving forward.  The worst thing to do is nothing, so even starting small can be a big help.
  7. Do not confuse dealing with stress with distracting from it.  Many people use distractors like comfort eating, drinking alcohol, smoking, spending, over-exercising or gambling as a way of managing how they feel.  But distraction is not a stress-management technique which works in the long-term.  It provides short-term relief but causes bigger problems for you in the long-run.
  8. Learn mindfulness, EFT or self-hypnosis as a way of handling stress.  They all make a positive and significant difference on what you can handle on a day-to-day basis.
  9. Learn to say ‘no’ and mean it.  For many people, a lot of their stress is just saying ‘yes’ to things they should be saying ‘no’ too.  This causes ongoing problems as deadlines are missed and disappointment, resentment and guilt results.  Learning to say ‘no’ kindly and respectfully is an incredibly helpful stress-management technique.
  10. Balance your life with time to yourself doing things you enjoy and making sure they include regular exercise, time out in nature and just being in the moment.

These are a good starting point.  Stress has many sources, many affects and many consequences.  Everyone is different and some solutions will work for you and some won’t.  If you need further guidance or support, or you don’t find the answer is in these tips, why not call to arrange for an assessment so you can conquer it once and for all?  Tricia Woolfrey can be reached on 0345 130 0854.

10 tips to  manage Stress

 

© Tricia Woolfrey 2015

10 Tips for Depression

depression
Depression is classified as a mental health problem. Personally, I don’t like this label because it stigmatises something that one in four people will experience in any one year.  Also, depression is such a wide issue.  It can mean that you are feeling low, or you have Seasonal Effective Disorder, or Post-Natal Depression, and it could mean that you have Bipolar disorder.

But depression can come from a variety of sources: your thinking (negativity); boredom (apathy); from stress (overwhelm); from sensitivity to life issues and can also have a biological cause – not enough serotonin will be enough to create a depressive phase.

Here are 10 tips to help you get yourself back into feeling good:

  1. Research shows that doing something nice for someone else lifts your mood.  It doesn’t have to be a big thing either.  Sometimes just opening a door for someone, letting someone go in front of you in a queue, or even a smile to a stranger, can be enough to lift you.  Kindness is one of those things that gives you something when you give it away.
  2. Exercise is brilliant for changing your mood.  It creates endorphins (brain chemicals which help you feel happy).  And you can do anything from Zumba, to running, to tennis.  The list is endless and exercising outside has an even more positive effect.
  3. Do things you really enjoy – or used to enjoy before you became depressed.  Do it even though you don’t feel like it.  It may seem a lot of effort up front but it can change your state quite quickly.  Once you start, it’s easier to carry on.
  4. Practice positive thinking.  The nature of your thinking can have a huge impact on mood.  If you feel bad, your thinking is almost definitely going to be negative.  By focusing on different things or changing how you view things, you can have an incredibly positive effect on how you feel.  Think Positive, Feel Good has a simple framework which shows you how to do this.  
  5. Plan your day around a comfortable routine.  When you are feeling low, it is all too easy to stay in bed.  This doesn’t make you feel better, it just disconnects you from the world.  So your routine should include things like taking a shower, doing some chores, taking a walk, calling a friend, listening to some feel-good music, finishing off a project.  Make sure that your tasks are realistic and reward yourself when you have achieved something.
  6. Make a list of your positive qualities and achievements.  Depression detaches you from these so write them down and read them often.  If you are struggling to come up with anything, think about what someone else would say your best traits and achievements are.  If you want a different perspective on this, watch the film 'It’s a Wonderful Life'.
  7. Make a list of all the things you’re grateful for.  Again, depression can cause you to lose sight of what is good in your life and fool you into thinking that only bad things happen.  Look at this list daily and whenever you need a boost.
  8. Avoid nicotine, alcohol and caffeine as these deplete your body of nutrients which can have a negative effect on your mood.  Alcohol is particularly bad because it is a depressant.  Before you wean yourself off these, find a new coping strategy to replace them.  EFT is brilliant for this.  Here is a video to demonstrate EFT or call me if you want some coaching on it (see below for contact details).
  9. Eliminate wheat from your diet. There is research to suggest that wheat is linked to depression.  Consider eliminating it from your diet for a month to see what difference it makes to you.  Instead, eat foods which boost your mood.  For more information on this, read this article about mood boosting food.
  10. Talk to someone.  A sympathetic friend (who doesn’t keep you stuck), The Samaritans or a compassionate professional can all help you to get back to your happy self.

If you are suffering from depression, and would like some support, why not have a free initial telephone consultation?  Call Tricia Woolfrey on 0345 130 0854.

© Tricia Woolfrey 2015

10 Anger Management Tips

anger

Have you noticed that more and more people are getting angry?  Why do you think that is?  We are all under so much stress and at one extreme anger is suppressed so that it explodes inconveniently and usually at the wrong person (or object).  And, at the other extreme, there is no filter and even the smallest irritant can have an effect.  As Aristotle said the art is to “be angry with the right person … to the right degree … at the right time … for the right purpose, and in the right way”.

Anger in itself isn’t bad.  It’s how you express it.  But first we need to understand what it is.  Anger is an emotion which signifies a degree of irritation.  It can be mild (miffed) to strong (rage) and, of course, anywhere in between.

Suppressing anger (pushing it down) or repressing it (being unaware that you have feelings of anger at all) are just as unhealthy as having an explosive temper.  The difference is that repressing anger has a negative impact on your health.  

All emotions are good in that they are signals to you that something needs your attention.  It is as though your unconscious mind is waving a flag saying “hold on a minute, something isn’t right and you need to deal with it”.  What is your anger telling you?  Common causes are that you have been mistreated, a value has been violated or a boundary crossed.

What does anger want?  If you think of feelings as a want which needs to be met, it really helps you to manage your emotions more easily.  Anger is ‘asking’ for fairness or that a wrong be put right.  When you listen to your emotions and respond appropriately, you will find that you are angry much less often and that you are angry in an appropriate way.

Here are 10 tips for dealing with anger:

  1. Realise that anger in itself is not bad.  It is how you express it which could be bad.  If you think it’s bad you are likely to suppress it and it will just come up at the most inappropriate moment.
  2. Recognise that sometimes being angry is absolutely the right thing to do – it sets clear boundaries with people who may be taking advantage.  It is all in how you express your anger, not the anger itself.  Being respectfully assertive is the best way of communicating – you need to be clear yet courteous.
  3. Map out your ‘anger process’.  It will involve a series of thoughts, feelings and/or pictures.  What happens first?  Do you get a voice which says ‘hold on a minute’?  Or a twisted feeling in your gut?  Or perhaps you see red mist?  Plot what happens and put them in order.  This puts you in touch with your early warning signs that you are about to have an anger outburst and you can take preventative action – without ignoring it.
  4. Take in some nice deep breaths (in to the count of four, hold to the count of four and out to the count of eight).  Allow the tension to leave your body on the outbreath.  This pause gives you breathing space so you can take the next steps more easily.
  5. Ask yourself what you are angry about.  You may need to spend a little time on this and be really honest with yourself.  Sometimes, when we get in touch with what’s really going on, it doesn’t sound as reasonable as we would like it to be.  But that’s OK, it is probably linked to the next point.
  6. Then ask yourself whether your anger is really only about that or if it is a series of events that have built up.  Interestingly, when I work with people 1:1, I have found that it is often a series of events, not always involving the same person, and frequently the series of events start with something tiny.  But, because it wasn’t dealt with, and subsequent events weren’t dealt with, the small things became the big things and that’s when people explode. When you are clear whether your anger is really about the past or present, mentally separate them and decide that you are only going to deal with this event, not everything that has passed before.
  7. Learn EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help you manage the emotion in a constructive way.  This is why understanding your ‘anger process’ is really important.  Dealing with your anger when you are at the final stages is much harder than dealing with it as soon as you notice the first signs.  EFT takes practice.  If you prefer to learn 1:1 give me a call and I can teach you.  It is well worth it and the benefits are huge.
  8. Work out a suitable way to respond to the situation.  Inappropriate anger is a reaction to a situation rather than a response to it.  The steps I am outlining here help you to be more responsive.  A suitable response often involves a conversation with the person involved but you may have to wait until you have calmed down first so you are back in control and the conversation can be constructive.
  9. Positive anger management requires good problem solving skills.  It’s hard to do that when you are in the throes of an ‘anger hijack’.  But, when you feel resourceful, think about a situation that made you really angry and look at it from all angles.  What are you seeing that the other person isn’t?  What are they seeing in the situation that you aren’t?  How would an impartial observer view the situation?  Then, consider what you both want and how this can be achieved.  Sometimes other people behave in the way they do because they too are frustrated, or they don’t know that they have pressed a hot button of yours.  By looking at a solution which meets both needs, even if this means compromise, you are building excellent problem solving skills and reducing your anger response in a way which is respectful to yourself and others.
  10. Learn self-hypnosis which not only helps you to deal with stress (a common cause of anger) but will also help to reprogram your mind.  An Inside Job is a book which teaches you self-hypnosis and includes a CD to guide you.  Regular practice will make you calmer and more resourceful

The biggest mistake people make is to blame someone else for their anger.  In reality, you are responsible for your anger and you have a choice in how you respond.  That may sound simplistic right now, especially if you have been very reactive and explosive.  But this is about learning new skills and new responses.  Your patience and diligence in practicing these techniques will be repaid to you many times over.

If you feel that your issues with anger are more complex or you would like some support , why not call and find out about 1:1 coaching – having a professional to support and guide you can make all the difference.  I’m Tricia Woolfrey and I can be reached on 0345 130 0854.

In the meantime, there are plenty of resources within these pages to support you, specifically:

Control Your Anger hypnotherapy CD or MP3
21 Ways and 21 Days to the Life you Want workbook
Think Positive and Feel Good workbook
An Inside Job book and CD to learn self-hypnosis

© Tricia Woolfrey 2015

10 Tips for Self Confidence

self confidence

Having worked with people for so many years, one thing has become clear: that the majority of people could do with more self-confidence. In a world where people are judged by the labels they wear, the size of their waist, the money they have, the cars they drive, the people they know and how many likes they have for their Facebook posts, we have lost sight of what really matters – who we are on the inside. When we feel good from the inside out, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. And then something miraculous happens – because you care less you feel better and people like you better because you are being authentic.

And you don’t need to confuse confidence with arrogance. The latter is a belief that you are better than everyone else, an air of superiority. It often masks deep-seated self-esteem issues that they hide behind. Here are my tips for how to have more self-confidence.

  1. Stop playing the comparison game – you are not meant to be like anybody else but yourself. Most people compare their own out-takes with everybody else’s edited highlights anyway so the comparisons are never an accurate one. Nor is it an enjoyable one. Celebrate your differences, they are what make you you.
  2. List your positive qualities. For example, perhaps you have kind eyes, you are helpful, you make a great cup of tea. They don’t have to change the world. List them and, if necessary get the help of people who love you to add to the list. Then look at the list often.
  3. Adopt confident posture – it’s hard to be confident when you are slouched and with your gaze to the floor. So, stand tall and proud – shoulders back, head high, arms resting gently by your side. When you do this you feel stronger right away.
  4. Move outside your comfort zone – no-one ever got more confident by standing in the same spot. They just felt safe. To feel confident you need to do try new things which give you a sense of achievement.
  5. Recognise that perfection is not a human condition but a direction to aim towards. When you make a mistake – which you will – learn from it and move on. You will become stronger and stronger, day by day. As you were designed to do. It helps to develop a sense of humour about mistakes too. Things are rarely as bad as they seem and everyone loves someone who can laugh at themselves light-heartedly.
  6. List all of your achievements – we have all achieved something. Learning to walk and talk is a huge achievement when you think about it. Passing an exam is an achievement. Passing your driving test is an achievement. Look at this list often and realise that the qualities that made these happen are within you – you just need to tap into them more often. Which brings me to the next point.
  7. Don’t indulge in negative self-talk. We all fall in the trap now and again and it is difficult to avoid. But you can just let those thoughts go. They only become a problem if you nurse them and engage in them. Notice them and move on. Check out your positive qualities and achievement lists to remind yourself that you are good enough already. And you like making yourself even better for the sense of achievement it gives you.
  8. Cary Grant talked about pretending to be who you wanted to be until you become that person. There is a fine balance between this and being inauthentic. But if you strike a good balance, it is a great way of rehearsing being your best self.
  9. Practice my 3:1 rule. In any challenging situation, think about three things you did well and one thing you would improve. The ratio is important. It helps you build on what you’re doing well and learn from mistakes. People with low self-esteem can reel off a long list of mistakes and rarely acknowledge anything they did well. But there is always something and this is what builds your confidence.
  10. Last, but by no means least, do a job which plays to your strengths and your interests. If you are not good with detail and like the company of people, being an accounts clerk is going to gnaw away at your self-esteem like a mouse with a slab of cheese. If you enjoy the challenge of making things balance, and like working at something without interruption, it could be perfect for you and will help you blossom.

We were all born confident.   Life experience doesn’t have to take it away from you.  Use these techniques to build it up again.  Of course, sometimes it is easier to work with a professional to help you.  If you are interested in this, why not call Tricia Woolfrey on  0845 130 0854 to find out more.

In the meantime, there are plenty of resources within these pages to support you, specifically:

– Relaxed and Confident for the Life you Want CD
– 21 Ways and 21 Days to the Life you Want workbook
– Think Positive and Feel Good workbook
– An Inside Job book

© Tricia Woolfrey 2015

National Parks Week

National Parks Week

This is National Parks Week – such a great way to spend your spare time out in nature.  National parks are protected countryside for everyone to visit.  And you can enjoy them in many different ways from walks, to camping, cycling, photography and other activities and events.  To find out where your nearest park is and what events they have on, visit www.nationalparks.gov.uk/visiting/2013nationalparksweek

 

 

 

 

© Tricia Woolfrey 2013

Tricia Woolfrey is an integrative therapist, an advanced clinical hypnotherapist, master practitioner in NLP, nutritionist and author, and utilises bioenergetics to help you be the best you can be.  She has practices in Surrey and Harley Street, London.  She can be reached on 0845 130 08540845 130 0854 www.pw-hypnotherapy.co.uk.

Childhood Obesity

Childhood Obesity

This is Childhood Obesity Week.

From the time a baby is born, it links the provision of food with love as it suckles on its mother’s breast for the first time.  As a child, you probably remember being offered a sweet as a treat, or a biscuit to make you feel better.  We learn that sugar- and fat-laden foods are treats which are given if we endure the healthy food – “you can have your ice-cream once you have finished your dinner.”  Add to this the convenience of fast food, it’s no wonder that childhood obesity is a problem.

In 2010 The World Health Organisation reported that there are around 40 million children under the age of five who are overweight.  It is thought that this figure is much higher in the UK – apparently we have the highest rates in Western Europe.  All of this despite the education we have around food.  And we only have ourselves to blame.

The great news is that we can change it.  You are in control of what you put on your table and what you stock your cupboards with.  Not so easy is getting used to the language that we use with our children to position healthy food as desirable and junk food as, well, junk.  I help a lot of adults lose weight and many of them say that they have so much temptation at home with the crisps and sweets they have in the cupboards for the kids, as though these are necessities.  Much better to teach your child that treats are the healthy, colourful foods which make up a healthy diet.

In the nine years to 2009, there was more than a four-fold increase in the number of children requiring hospital treatment for problems associated with obesity.  It can lead to conditions such as type-2 diabetes, breathing difficulties, and more.  It usually causes low self-esteem as an added bonus.  So, teaching your child to have a healthier relationship with food is a great foundation for them in life.  Here are some tips:

  1. Make sure there is a lot of colour on the plate – this will provide your child with lots of nutrients for health, mood and brain function.
  2. Make sure portions are child-sized, not adult-sized.
  3. All meals should have protein which is necessary for a growing child and to stave off hunger pangs.
  4. Give them regular meals and healthy snacks in between – a few almonds or a piece of fruit are a great way of providing nutrients and balancing blood sugar.  A glass of milk is another option and is great for bones and teeth.
  5. Keep beige food (burgers, fries, biscuits and cakes) to an absolute minimum – call it emergency only food because there is no real food available at the moment.  Never, never, never, frame fast food, sweets, biscuits or cakes as a treat.
  6. Instead of using food as a way of soothing emotions, teach your child recognise their emotions and to respond to them in a positive way.  It is OK to feel emotions.  As humans, we are supposed to feel.  However, they should be taught to deal with them in a positive way.  Teach them EFT to help them.
  7. Involve them in deciding what to eat – make choosing a new fruit or vegetable a game that they play.  Involve them in new and different ways of cooking healthy foods, or of eating them raw.  Fruit kebabs are fun, cruditees and vegetable dips too.
  8. Eliminate unhealthy sugars and re-educate their pallet for healthier foods.
  9. Make exercise and activity part of their daily life.  This is good for them emotionally, physically and socially.  It also keeps their mind off food.

As parents, we are either part of the solution or part of the problem- your children will take their cue from you.   If you are concerned for your child’s health and weight, why not book a consultation on 0845 130 0854.

© Tricia Woolfrey 2014

Tricia Woolfrey is an integrative therapist, an advanced clinical hypnotherapist, master practitioner in NLP, nutritionist and author, and utilises bioenergetics to help you be the best you can be.  She has practices in Surrey and Harley Street, London.  She can be reached on 0845 130 0854 www.yourempoweredself.co.uk.

National Blood Week

Blood donor

If you have ever had a relative who needed a blood transplant to save their life, you will know how precious a gift it is to give blood. 

I am ashamed to say that it took me years to build up the courage to go.  And I only did it because my father needed a transfusion and if everyone was as cowardly as me, he wouldn’t have had it.  So I’ve been doing it for some years now.  I take a good book with me, a bottle of Evian (you have to be well hydrated) and I’m good to go.  On the pain scale it is much lower than you think – maybe a four out of ten and only for a second or two.  And you get biscuits afterwards too! 

Apparently hospitals are supplied with around 7,000 units of blood every day.  To achieve this, they need to recruit nearly 200,000 new donors every year. 

Other facts which may interest you:

  • each unit of blood donated is split into its constituent parts, and can save up to three lives
  • the number of regular blood donors has fallen by 23% over the past decade
  • the minimum age for blood donation is 17 years (650,000 people will turn 17 in the next 12 months!)

I can’t say that giving blood is the most fun thing I’ve ever done, but I can say it’s one of the most rewarding.  You never know whose life you are saving. 

So if you would like to be a part, do visit www.blood.co.uk.

© Tricia Woolfrey 2014

Tricia Woolfrey is an integrative therapist, an advanced clinical hypnotherapist, master practitioner in NLP, nutritionist and author, and utilises bioenergetics to help you be the best you can be.  She has practices in Surrey and Harley Street, London.  She can be reached on 0845 130 0854 www.yourempoweredself.co.uk.

Families –Who Needs Them?

Family

As we contemplate National Family Week, what are your thoughts about your family?  As a therapist having worked with hundreds and hundreds of clients, I would say that the vast majority– at least 80% – find their family challenging.  There is a lot of blame and a lot of strain.  Often balanced with love, but not always.

As they say, “you can’t choose your family”.  But I am more of the mind that you have the family you have for a reason.  When you get out of the “Drama Triangle” there are endless possibilities for personal growth and healthy connection.  Let’s first find out what the Drama Triangle is..

Each angle of the Drama Triangle represents a different way of being:

  1. Victim (poor me, not taking response-ability, blaming others.  Feels safe by being taken care of)
  2. Rescuer (teaching helplessness, feels strong by taking care of others, over-protective, distraction from own issues)
  3. Persecutor (generally dominant, abusive or blamer.  Feels strong through putting others down.  Distraction from own issues.)

These are roles we unconsciously adopt and we will have a dominant role which feels more natural.  Which do you think is your dominant role?  How easily do you flit from one to the other?

These roles are not healthy ways to interact within a family as there always has to be someone in “power”.  This teaches helplessness and means that others are either in conflict or never fulfilling their potential.

A more empowered way of being is to consider “what can I learn from my family?”  If there was a positive reason that you have been born into this family, what could it be?  To learn assertiveness?  To manage conflict constructively?  To ask for what you want?  To learn compassion?  Perspective?  Patience?  Resilience?  Lower expectations?  Increase response-ability?  To express your needs?  To acknowledge your emotions?

By finding the positive learning from your family you are empowering yourself and you are also minimising conflict.

When you see your family members as teachers (even though they don’t know it), it can really help you deal with tricky situations in a more constructive way.  You can get through challenging times learning and growing as a human being and a human doing.

© Tricia Woolfrey 2014

Tricia Woolfrey is an integrative therapist, an advanced clinical hypnotherapist, master practitioner in NLP, nutritionist and author, and utilises bioenergetics to help you be the best you can be.  She has practices in Surrey and Harley Street, London.  She can be reached on 0845 130 0854 www.yourempoweredself.co.uk.

Self-Help for Weight Loss – 10 Tips to Lose Weight

self help for weight loss

Are you constantly yo-yo dieting?  Do you lose weight and then put it all back on again, plus some?  Or have you reached a plateau.  Losing weight can be a challenge because, unlike stopping smoking where you just don’t smoke again, you still have to eat. Not only that but there is temptation everywhere.  What can you do to help yourself?
 
1.       Realistic goals
The first thing to do is set yourself a target with milestones along the way.  Unless you are the kind of person who loves big bold goals, smaller goals might be more achieveable for you.
 
2.       Have a big enough ‘why’
Motivation is much stronger than willpower, so make yourself a really long list of all the reasons you want to lose weight.  What are the benefits to you?  If you are losing weight for someone else it will not be nearly so effective.  This is a journey you take for your own benefit.
 
3.       Keep hydrated
A lot of people confuse thirst with hunger.  Make sure you keep hydrated throughout the day and, if you do get hungry, drink a glass of water and wait 10 minutes before deciding if you realy want to eat.
 
4.       Variety is the spice of life
Sometimes our bodies just crave nutrients rather than any old food.  So do make sure that you keep your food intake varied so that you are getting all the nutrition you need and to avoid boredom.  Who wants to live on beige food every day?
 
5.       Be wary of the saboteurs
It is strange that as soon as you say you are on a diet, people seem to want to feed you cakes and biscuits like never before.  “Just one” is a constant refrain.  Manage these by saying you are full and couldn’t eat another thing.  Or, if they buy you chocolates, just say that they don’t agree with you.  It makes life a lot easier and your weight loss goal more achievable.
 
6.       No more waste on waist
Eating leftovers, snacking and huge portions are not going to save anyone starving in Africa but they will cause your waistline to expand.  Make it a rule that you are no longer going to treat your body like a rubbish bin.  Remember that you only need to eat 500 calories a day more than your body needs to put on 1lb a week.  That’s 3.5 stones a year! 
 
7.       Staying regular
It is important that your bowels function efficiently so do be sure to eat plenty of fibre and drink lots of water.  Avoid laxatives though as they can make your bowels lazy and can compound the problem.  If you still have problems, do contact Tricia Woolfrey on  0845 130 0854 for a consultation.  Regular bowel movements are important for your weight and your health.  For more information on fibre-rich food, the Meal Planner will help you.
 
8.       Manage your energy
When your blood sugar is low you will be very tired and crave the wrong foods.  So, to keep your blood sugar stable eat little and often and ALWAYS eat breakfast so that your metabolism gets a boost.  Reduce sugar, white bread, pastries, white pasta and cakes.  If you have to have sugar do eat it with a healthy meal as it helps to stabilise your energy.
 
9.       Manage your emotions
Most people eat too much because they are eating in response to their emotions.  If you find that you crave a specific food it is likely that this is emotional hunger rather than physical hunger.  Learning how to understand your emotions and respond to them appropriately is essential.  The Food Diary will help you to understand your eating, while Ultimate Weight Loss CD will help you overcome emotional eating habits.  Food only distracts you from your problems it is no solution to them.
 
10.    Eliminate food intolerances
Sometimes people find it hard to lose weight because they are eating foods they are intolerant to.  Having a food intolerance test can help you understand what foods your body is struggling with.  Click here to find out more.

© Tricia Woolfrey 2014

About the Author
Tricia Woolfrey is an advanced clinical hypnotherapist, coach and wellness practitioner.  She is also a master practitioner in obesity issues and eating disorders.  Author of self-help books, CDs and MP3s she has practices in Byfleet Village, Surrey and Harley Street, London.  www.yourempoweredself.co.uk.