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Families –Who Needs Them?

Family

As we contemplate National Family Week, what are your thoughts about your family?  As a therapist having worked with hundreds and hundreds of clients, I would say that the vast majority– at least 80% – find their family challenging.  There is a lot of blame and a lot of strain.  Often balanced with love, but not always.

As they say, “you can’t choose your family”.  But I am more of the mind that you have the family you have for a reason.  When you get out of the “Drama Triangle” there are endless possibilities for personal growth and healthy connection.  Let’s first find out what the Drama Triangle is..

Each angle of the Drama Triangle represents a different way of being:

  1. Victim (poor me, not taking response-ability, blaming others.  Feels safe by being taken care of)
  2. Rescuer (teaching helplessness, feels strong by taking care of others, over-protective, distraction from own issues)
  3. Persecutor (generally dominant, abusive or blamer.  Feels strong through putting others down.  Distraction from own issues.)

These are roles we unconsciously adopt and we will have a dominant role which feels more natural.  Which do you think is your dominant role?  How easily do you flit from one to the other?

These roles are not healthy ways to interact within a family as there always has to be someone in “power”.  This teaches helplessness and means that others are either in conflict or never fulfilling their potential.

A more empowered way of being is to consider “what can I learn from my family?”  If there was a positive reason that you have been born into this family, what could it be?  To learn assertiveness?  To manage conflict constructively?  To ask for what you want?  To learn compassion?  Perspective?  Patience?  Resilience?  Lower expectations?  Increase response-ability?  To express your needs?  To acknowledge your emotions?

By finding the positive learning from your family you are empowering yourself and you are also minimising conflict.

When you see your family members as teachers (even though they don’t know it), it can really help you deal with tricky situations in a more constructive way.  You can get through challenging times learning and growing as a human being and a human doing.

© Tricia Woolfrey 2014

Tricia Woolfrey is an integrative therapist, an advanced clinical hypnotherapist, master practitioner in NLP, nutritionist and author, and utilises bioenergetics to help you be the best you can be.  She has practices in Surrey and Harley Street, London.  She can be reached on 0845 130 0854 www.yourempoweredself.co.uk.